Why do I photograph?
And why I don’t, anymore?
First facts straight: nobody is really interesed in your photographs. They might see some interesting image and move on in best case. 99.99% of time they just don’t care and mostly understand.
Other photographers care but in very selfish way; is my work better than yours? They pretend to be interested just to get your attention so they can talk about their photographs. As you would like to do also. I know this sounds very negative but look around you. If you really have people around you who are actually genuinely interest in your photos, stop giving them money. No, I mean hold on to this people like terminal cancer.
But for most of you I address: nobody cares about your photographs. And that’s why it cannot be your motivation. If it is, prepare to face the reality and get depressed about it.
It is about you then?
My motivation hasn’t been to impress others. Actually, as a Finnish person, I get bothered by any praises or attention I get. I’m just not ready for it. I doubt what they say. Did you like that? Really? Reallyreally?
I would of course like to blame that lack of anyones interest towards my photos is the reason why I lost interest to photography. I cannot deny that public reactions would have no impact on this feeling – but it isn’t completely it.
Shooting film and thinking it is somehow special? No, it isn’t. Nobody cares, really. It is the end product that matters to masses. What your photo looks – not how you made it. You can actually emulate film very very well today (I’ve tried plenty of ways) and to get “film” look you can shoot digitally. Sorry to rain on your parade. If shooting film means something to you, then great. But do not think you are special because of it. It is just a medium.
They don’t speak
Photographs are quite dull usually. Most of them are bad. Photography today is just everyone copying eachother and try to pimp up their single frames in Lightroom. It is a competition mostly nowadays. The small minority try to otherwise but mostly this minority is left unnoticed or they just produce absolute bull. No wonder they don’t get attention.
I think I lost connection to my photographs. They don’t give me any emotional feedback. They are just still images which I probably could live without.
So I think in my case it is that photography has lost its silver lining – it has become just photographs. Still moments. Some a bit better than the rest but easy to forget.
Give me emotions
If something you do doesn’t touch you – if it doesn’t give emotions – it feels pretty dull. That is what has happened to me. I know I can frame and I know I can find the best moment to shoot. I know film developing inside out. I can do alternative methods. But so what?
I am broken
Of course my heart is broken because of this. I was so in love with photography and especially alternative ways to do it. Now, I don’t have any urge or need to go to darkroom. It would feel burden. It would be repeating same thing over again; hunting for frames, sweating developing films and desperately trying to find printable frame. It become more load than something that I would enjoy.
So, something broke. I don’t know why and I don’t know what broke.
And I don’t know how to fix it.
2 replies on “Something broke”
If you’ll permit me…
Each photograph that gets published in magazines, books or to the web – whether made by 35mm enthusiasts, proffessionals or just from the millions of phone cameras in today’s world represents a mere pixel in the “big picture”. And the big picture is a shitstorm of Huxleyan noise, that an intelligent soul would have detach from a societal world view seen throuygh the lens of social media, in order to retain their psychological equilibrium. You’re not broken, you just matured and evolved during a time of massive chenge.
I studied 35mm photography in the 1990s and ended up on DSLRs like most did. I felt a shadow of irrelevance pass over the whole idea of publishing images in a sea of throwaway bitmaps and responded by sourcing a slew of old Pentax cameras.I repaired some of them and have started testing them. But here now and beyond the initial technical fascination, I just know that if the process of actively searching for those moments in the frame and the tactile nostalgia isn’t enough on it’s own when I make the images, I will end up feeling as you do. Part of me already does. But I think I will understand it if I do. There are, afterall plenty of other tasks and pastimes to follow that could bring closure or satisfaction.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PndV7QfWKTI
I have just by chance come across your blog post ‘Something broke’. It really struck a chord with me and I echo many of your sentiment. I have been photographing for over 50 years mostly film black and white landscape photography. Eventually I made the transition to digital photography and enjoyed colour, still life and portrait projects.
I have also done wet plate and quite a lot of platinum palladium which I really enjoyed. But gradually my enthusiasm has diminished. I have sold some works but that is not my goal and I am just doing it for my own pleasure. What has taken the place of my photography is painting and in my case it is semi abstract landscapes that most appeal. I had a go a great many years ago but somehow couldn’t manage to paint as well as photograph. I have to say now that any painting I attempt, feels much more creative than most of my digital photography and every mark is unique.